Screwed.edu
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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