i think my tv is drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
