No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The ass gains better be worth it
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