Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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