Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
