Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
