You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
