fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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