I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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