addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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