Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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