I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
