I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
