eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
