ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
