I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
