Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
