Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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