I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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