bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
