Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
