You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
