yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
