I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've blown a few things in my day
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
