Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
