He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can I color on your dick again?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
