Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
