grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
