Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drake has all the answers
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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