I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
