the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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