Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
