So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This baby is an asshole
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
