blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
