I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
