What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
wanna go halves on a baby?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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