He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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