me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
