tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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