She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
