We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
