He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
