uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
