Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
