she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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