and you said cock pushups were impossible
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
