is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
