apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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