You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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