im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
