You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
