Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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