Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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