Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Two words: blizzard sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
