i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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