i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize